Dear Diet Diary

DAY 1

Kari told me this morning that it may be helpful in this weight loss journey to keep a food journal. I'm so excited about it. I think this journal (blog) will be good not just for my physical health but also for my mindset as I do without all the foods and drinks that I love.
Like, coke (meaning any carbonated beverage-I'm southern, remember), whole milk in my mocha, or half & half in drip, and beer, cocktails. And white rice. White rice in my Chipotle bowl, white rice with my pumpkin curry, white rice with my butter chicken, butter naan (I could sob right now), chicken salad sandwiches, ranch dressing, fries, fried chicken fingers, just anything and everything fried. Ice cream, cupcakes (frosting...), yogurt, chips, doughnuts, pasta, bagels, sour cream...

Too many.
I guess truthfully it's not about cutting them out, it's about moderation, having some self-control when I do eat them. So, yeah, just completely cutting them out. 

Here's what my day has looked like so far:

Breakfast:(this is my hardest eating time. I'm not hungry when I first wake up and tend to feel sick if I eat really early. When I hungry, about 1 to 2 hours later, I'm at work and it's harder to fix breakfast.)

• Banana 
• 12oz SKINNY mocha. This one actually makes me want to weep. Yesterday when I ordered it, the barista spilled it all over his hands because the milk is practically water. I let them steam water for me and then I pay for it. Pay $4.54 for it. And I sit and read and try to pretend like life is good and I love the cup of coffee that I'm not sipping. 

Lunch: 

• 1 cup of Honey Nut Cheerios with 1/2 cup 1% milk. I literally couldn't make myself buy the skim. I can get water from the tap for free.
• 2 eggs. Have I said that I have no idea what I'm doing on this diet. No idea. 
• 1Tbsp hummus with a cup of carrots. I mean, is this too much for lunch while dieting? My stomach doesn't think so but my stomach is the thing that got me into this mess. 

Dinner: 

• Half of a Chipotle bowl-I had black beans, chicken, mild salsa, cheese, guacamole, and lettuce. And I pushed over the drink machine as I walked out because I was so pissed about not getting to get a coke and bag of chips. Not really, though. Goodness, I wish I had done that. (I ate the other half of this bowl the night before)

Snacks:

• Apple. IT WAS F-ING MEALY!! What a waste of a snack! I almost took it back to Thriftway and threw it through their window. AHHHHHH!
• 1 cup of grapes. Red grapes, of course, and these did not disappoint. But goodness, 1 cup is a tease. Calm down, stomach, calm down. 
• 1 bite of chocolate, chocolate chip ice cream. I walked into the living room with the pint and declared to Dan and Lonnie that I would eat 5 bites and be done. Dan said, "Ok, yeah eat 5 bites, thats only like 300 calories." I fought but I think he may be right. 1/2 cup is 300 calories. So, I went back to the kitchen, opened the container, ate 1 bite and then put it away. I want to punch Dan right now. 

Drinks:

• Water. I can barely type because of all of the tears that are on the keyboard of my computer. I'm sure it will short circuit. But crying is good, right? Loosing water is loosing weight, right? 

And there's only 6 weeks and 3 days left.