Christmas morning

29. today is my very first Christmas morning on my own. My parents are in Alabama but coming to visit in a couple of weeks, Megan, Suman and the kids stayed in Seattle also, and Kurt traveled to Alabama to be with his family.

There is a mix of emotions as the morning has gone by.

Sometimes there is sadness when I think of Kurt, I look forward to the days of being able to start traditions with him. And sadness when I think of my parents, I know this Christmas with us not being there has been hard and I do miss them.

But it's been nice to be on my own and have this time to feel like this is my life. It's been quiet (except for the smoke alarm going off at 8am because I can't cook bacon).

It also snowed yesterday and when I woke up this morning it had started again so this is my very first white christmas. It so beautiful and calm.

I want to remember all the good about this Christmas. There is a part of me that hopes it'll be different next year but who knows. I'm thankful I was able to have this Christmas to myself.

Moo's house yesterday evening. 

This guy has the strongest lounging game. 

M decorating her cookies for Santa. 

My little apartment this morning. Office Christmas episodes while I cooked, breakfast on the stove and that sweet little tree made this morning so warm (even if the window was open so I could air the place out).

Can't beat this view... but seriously, SNOW!

Favorite things

28. So many favorite things in one picture.

Clean

27. The sound of the wind. I'm reminded of things being clean.

Getting friendly

26. I find his love of my family to be so endearing. It will hopefully never get old.

Gaining a month

25. Kurt and I went to Deception Pass on the way home from the island and there we decided that our new start date was August 20th. So, I gained an official month with him. I think the reason this means so much to me is because I look back and see the road to get to where we are now. I liked him for so long and was always aware that he wasn't sure because of the timing. And then he left, twice. There have been times that I look back and wonder what the draw was at that time, why put myself into a situation where there was so much possibility of disappointment but I can't say that I would ever do it differently. Daily, I feel lucky. Daily, I feel so thankful.

 He's asking my why I didn't tell him he would need his jacket on the windy bridge. 

I've found it hard lately to want pictures of myself to be taken and especially hard to look at them later. I don't love what I see here and that bothers me more. Kurt asked me if I wanted my picture taken and though I really wanted to say no, I said yes. I want to move away from who I think I should look like and see who I really am. 

Favorite.

Opportunities

24. Steve invited everyone out to the Distillery's photo shoot location which was just perfect. I made the mistake of saying that Kurt and I would leave because I felt uncomfortable there in the moment. I really regretted it almost immediately but I'm able to look back now and see that it was a learning experience. It was nice to be in such a beautiful place with Kurt and the kids. I'm mad that I didn't ask Steve to snap a picture of me and Kurt while there.

New

22. Girl Meets Dirt. B actually tried new food and didn't whine and complain the whole time.

23. This time Kurt looked for during the week to show the kids his Nintendo Switch. He also took the time before leaving to see if there was a game that he and Ben could play together.